omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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