Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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