I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize