In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
