I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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