I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A+ Viking dick
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
