so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
