I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
