beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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