"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
