five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
