and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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