we're chasing vodka with high fives
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
