I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My ass is underappreciated
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize