I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
