you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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