he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
