take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
