he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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