we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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