I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
