clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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