Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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