first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
