Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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