she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
