I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
