I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
