So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize