how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When are your genitals available?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
