I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize