I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is Oprah even human
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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