Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Success! We fucked roommates!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
