There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
