She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
