dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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