my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
