Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
