in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you would pick up someone in the library
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
