What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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