Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
