i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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