the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
