i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
