jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
