He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
