i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize