I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
