i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
