Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need a beard to bite.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
