a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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