You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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