I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
