making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
