if you like me you must not know who I am
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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