I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
