I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
