I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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