I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
