Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
