puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We are all done wearing pants today
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
