my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you inspire me to be a worse person
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
