Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
