we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
