We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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