just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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