After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
