I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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