apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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