Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
