just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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