your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
