I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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