Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
