I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
