My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
